Facing the Darkness Together
Before I begin today’s blog, I want to state something very clearly, on behalf of both myself and The Secret Society of the Spooky Sisterhood.
This is a safe place.
An open place.
A non-judgmental place.
A tolerant place.
A place that does NOT allow, excuse, or tolerate hate or bigotry or violence in ANY form.
This has been stated on our socials since the beginning, because it is of the absolute utmost importance.
But… it shouldn’t need to be stated. It shouldn’t need to be a moment of bravery or controversy to say that you care and that you hold the simple act of giving basic kindness, dignity, and respect to other human beings to be important. That should be the baseline.
Let’s speak candidly for a moment- I’m not stupid. I know that our history (as a country… as a species…) is filled to the brim with darkness. With cruelty. With evil. No matter what religion you believe in or don’t believe in- there’s no denying that badness exists. It’d be not just silly to ignore that fact, but it’d be a downright lie.
However, throughout history, we as human beings learned that cooperation gets you so much further than fighting. We learned that in the long run we have so much common ground if we look for it. That we’re not all so different if we just cool our tempers, open our hearts, and try. And for a long time I believed that was still the case. I even set out to film a documentary about it several years ago.
Why didn’t I finish it? It was 2020 and I could easily blame it on COVID but truthfully, the more I dug in, the more I realized just how far gone we are from that place of respect and communication. We live in a society now where everything is black and white and heated tempers. No one is willing to take the time to take a breath and listen and see the gray. To compromise. To cooperate.
Recently I was sent some screenshots of a social media conversation that someone I value greatly had experienced with another person in the spooky community, and the person who sent it to me wanted others to be aware, because it was really inappropriate. My first reaction was to go and find the conversation for myself to see what was said and to try to see if I could understand it from the other person’s point of view. Maybe it was a misunderstanding. Maybe they jumped to conclusions. I thought maybe if they had asked the other person what they meant by their statement, maybe it wasn’t malicious and an apology and a learning moment could help heal this situation. (Spoiler: it wasn’t that kind of situation. This person came from a place of disrespect and intentional discrimination and ugliness.)
I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt because somehow I still in 2025 believe that we all are capable of change. Willing? Maybe not. But capable. I have had my point of view absolutely upended on more than one occasion in my life, even in my “old” age (ok middle age) and I’ve seen it happen in others. The more that you experience, the more that you branch out from your bubble, the more people you meet and listen to, the easier it is for that to happen to you, too.
And maybe that’s why those with hate and evil and darkness in their hearts want to find ways to block everyone who is different from them. Maybe they know that with folks who are “different” living among us, more of us will have our hearts changed, our eyes opened. Perhaps that’s why they’re trying to keep us from learning and discovering. And it explains why they try to silence anyone who speaks up in support of “the other”. It challenges the status quo.
It’s easy to support the bully- it makes you feel safe. And it’s hard to stick up for the bullied, for fear of making yourself a target. I am ashamed to say that while I would never support the bully, I have had a really hard time lately being brave enough to openly stick up for those being bullied. I’ve been scared of what retaliation that could reap. Beyond that, sometimes it feels overwhelming to fight all the fights.
I want to share something my former therapist told me when I said I felt useless and like I was failing as a human by not being out protesting and by not publicly posting or commenting about every issue that deserved to be fought for. They said “not every solider fights on the front line. In a war, people are still needed to tend to the wounded, to provide radio communication, to prepare food, to clean laundry, to provide comfort to those back home, and so much more.”
I share this because it’s easy to assume supporting a cause or being an ally looks a certain way, that it’s big and bold and loud and unrelenting. And it’s easy to assume that when someone isn’t shouting with a megaphone that they don’t as deeply believe or that they aren’t just as in the trenches with you. But sometimes that support looks like sending you a heart emoji when they know you need it. Sometimes it’s adding their pronouns to their email signature at work, so that their teammate doesn’t feel so singled out or alone. Sometimes it’s having a conversation with a bully on the internet so you don’t have to bear the brunt alone. And you know what, sometimes it’s punching a nazi in the face.
I don’t know that it’s any surprise that things have been so difficult, and that in the past week (and beyond) things have escalated in a way that feels deeply scary. But I hope this post reminds you that there are helpers out there on every level- side by side on the front lines and those saying prayers or doing spells for you at home. Even if you can’t see them, that doesn’t mean they’re not there.
I hope that if you see this and you’ve read this far and you are someone who has chosen to have hate or darkness in your heart, for whatever reason, that you know that it’s not too late to change how you feel. Maybe you’ll have the opportunity one day soon to get to know someone completely different from you and I hope you’ll do that. And I hope you’ll learn from them and see that they deserve to be treated the same way that you should be- with dignity, with respect, with an open heart.
I hope that for those of you who don’t know how you can stand in support of the bullied, that you know there is power and strength in numbers. Have conversations with people you love, let them know what you’re about, bond with your community. When we know who we can count on, we feel comfortable speaking up more often, for ourselves and for others who may need it.
If you’re feeling unsure or unsafe or frightened right now, please know that Spooky Sisterhood is a community of people who care about you and we are here for you for whatever you may need. We’ve got you.
