New Year, New Sisterhood?

You know the saying (apocryphally attributed to Einstein) "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" that pops up everywhere this time of year? Influencers love tagging it onto their "new year, new me" posts and companies love plastering our timelines with it to remind us that everything we're doing is wrong and we need to buy their miraculous new products to change things up and get those miraculous new results. (I know, I sound cynical, but I've had COVID for 2 weeks and I. AM. GRUMPY.)

I bring this up because I think *all* of us have the instinct to reminisce this time of year. When you make your plans and goals for the coming months, a big part of that is understanding where you're starting, and where you were a year ago. Whether you're a "resolutions" kind of person or not, the energy in the air every January begs us to reflect on what transpired, what went right, and what we might have done differently. 

If I can take a moment to be vulnerable and transparent with you, this time last year, I was in a really exciting place. I finished a year of amazing opportunities- in 2022 I worked on Thor: Love and Thunder and the new Mr. & Mrs. Smith series, both remotely, from my new apartment overlooking the river. I took some time off in December 2022 to enjoy a Disney vacation with a dear friend and visit with family and friends. Then kicking off January 2023, I had laser surgery on my eyes and I had BIG plans for the year- my 40th was coming up, I was poised to move up a level at work, and everything looked so promising.

The view from my apartment, taken right before my eye surgery in January 2023.

Then there weren't as many job opportunities as usual in January. Or February. Or March. And then word got back to me that things weren't being greenlit because the studios were anticipating a strike from the WGA and potentially the DGA and SAG. There was no work. I had to regroup and figure out how to move forward.

I had options. I started applying for every job I could think of that would be a good "bridge" to getting back to film work. No calls back. I started applying to temp jobs and fast food and retail jobs. Nothing. My unemployment ran out. And I knew I had enough in my savings and retirement funds (and thankfully two paid off credit cards) to get me through the rest of the year. So I decided it was now or never, and I should give my creative visions a chance, while I had the time.

I got together with friends, especially Heidi Willis and Lauren Black, and brainstormed how to bring my paranormal ideas to life. I developed a project of my dreams, cast it, and began preparing a pitch for producers. I drew up my plans for a social media community. I thought everything was coming together beautifully and I was ready to rock and roll. 

On August 1, I launched the Secret Society of the Spooky Sisterhood, according to plan. Or so I thought. The expectation was that I'd be out of work for the rest of the year and I'd have time to focus on creating, and on collaborating, and on managing my projects. Then 2023 threw me another curve ball. 

One of the first mock-ups for SSSS logos/stickers :)

August 5, I was hired for a full-time temp job. It was just 40 hours a week, quite a bit less than I was used to working in the film industry, but after nearly a year of unemployment, it felt like a lot. On top of that, my various projects took off much faster than expected. And because of that and my newly acquired day-job workload, I didn't have the time or energy to manage it all as well as I could have. I spent the rest of the year just trying to stay afloat- survive, not thrive.

There's no shame in that, in just SURVIVING.

I'm highlighting that sentence because sometimes I think we all need to hear that. After 2020, I think a lot of us got used to "if all you did this year is survive, that was enough". And a lot of us felt like that was okay for 2020. Things didn't go according to plan, and that was okay because there were circumstances beyond our control, and that gave us permission to not go balls to the wall for once. It gave us permission to not be perfect for once. It gave us permission to just... be.

I remember at the time thinking that was how it should ALWAYS be, not just during a pandemic. We all deserve to celebrate the small wins. We all deserve to enjoy the simplicity, the joy, the beauty, all the things that come with just living our lives.

By the end of 2021, it was back to "normal" though. It was back to pressure from ourselves and from society to be #girlboss #winning all the time. Then it was go-go-go and next thing we know... bam. It's 2024.

And then we find ourselves once again reflecting on how this year we can do better. Do MORE.

I'm guilty of this for sure. All the time. Partly because I'm a Virgo, probably. But also because it's just the way things ARE. It's the messages we're surrounded with alllllll the time. Those messages aren't going anywhere, but we have a choice in how we respond to that.

As I spent the first few weeks of 2024 finally hit by COVID, isolated with my thoughts amid the bombardment of "do more" "do better" "new year, new you", I thought a lot about the year ahead first, instead of looking back. 

This is one way to force yourself to slow down and reflect on things. ;-P

I'm facing 2024 drained of retirement and savings, a lot of new credit card debt, a temp job that pays a third of what I was making in 2022, and very few prospects to get back to the film work that I thought was going to be my forever career. It's easy to look at that and then turn it around and say "wow, 2023 sucked, and it ruined everything". But that's not what happened.

Instead I looked at it and said "man, last year set me up for A CHALLENGE." Sure, I'm in a more difficult starting spot than last year. But you know what I have? I have a new partner who has been taking incredible care of me and being kind and patient as I recover. I have developed deeper bonds with my family and friends (both old and new). I've learned to be more vulnerable, more comfortable with myself. I've got a reliable, steady job. Which first of all is a great blessing, and I'm grateful for that much, but beyond that, it's with a team of people who genuinely care about my personal well-being, not just whether I show up each day and fill an empty seat and make them money. That's extraordinarily rare.

This time last year, the Spooky Sisterhood was a vague dream. 2023 brought me the courage to pursue it. 2023 connected me with all of you, some of you becoming dear friends in that short time. It's understandable to look back and bemoan the way I managed it all and the decisions I made and say that it was a fumble and think of all the mistakes I made. But every one of those things taught me something, gave me something, helped me fine tune what this is all about.

Our Spooky Sis Sabrina rocking a SSSS hat.

The whole driving force behind my Spooky Sisterhood vision in the first place was to show the world that there's more to the paranormal industry than a bunch of cis, straight, Christian, white, men running around old buildings and claiming to uncover ghosts and demons. I wanted to help connect the rest of us, and showcase the diversity and brilliance of folks in this field. I'd established metrics before launching, as kind of a goal to reach to prove that things were working. And I reached all of those goals. But the truth is they weren't the point.

Looking back at 2023, I think Spooky Sisterhood IS thriving. I see people connecting and getting to know one another, I see people discovering new folks to follow and new businesses to support. The community is growing and we're all the better for it.

So going into 2024, sure there's things to adapt and change to better suit our community's needs. There's always growth needed and collaboration needed when your goal is to build and maintain connection among others. But those are not a reflection of success or of being "enough". Those are a reflection of having faith in and appreciation for the people around you and your communal vision for moving forward. 

Anyway, TL;DR- I am so proud of where we came in 2023 and I cannot wait to see what we build together in 2024. Thank you to all of you for your patience as we grow as a community. Stay tuned for more content coming soon, and please, as always, know my door is open for any and all comments, questions, concerns, suggestions, etc. I appreciate every single one of you! 

This year, remember to KISS- Keep It Spooky, Sis!

Wishing you all a happy and prosperous 2024. 

xo